today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
