where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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