i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
