He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
