take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
