if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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