highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
