Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
