i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
what day is it and did you see me today?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
