Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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