Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
