Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
