If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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