You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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