those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
whose parrot is this?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
