I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
