He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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