he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
