Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
