i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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