I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
