my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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