just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
