ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
