It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
