I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
