I look better un-naked...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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