You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
