I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
