just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
