On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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