I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
