I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
