you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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