some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
