I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
