What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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