Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
