Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
