i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
