Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
