You made me cry and you don't even care
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
