Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
