i just google imaged poop.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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