Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I need water and some morals
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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