You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
