Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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