I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
