hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
