i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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