if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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