i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you had me at cake vodka
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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