He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
