Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
