oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
