I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
